Study Questions

1. What do you think the author’s message was in b*girls; after kelly? Please limit your answer to a single sentence.

2. Since you obviously think the author’s "message" is reducible to a single sentence, why do you think she bothered to write an entire novel? Or do you just consider yourself infinitely more talented than her in the succinct expression of the complex and sublime?

3. Multiple Choice: Why would the author, who obviously considers her own writing excruciatingly clever, lean so heavily on the three most overused tropes of fiction? [Hero’s initials J.C., betrayer named "Judith," olive branch as a recurrent peace symbol] (a) To suck up to the literary Mafia, who gauge a work’s intrinsic merit largely through a vague recollection of their first-year ivy-league humanities class, (b) because the author possesses the imagination of a particularly dull brick, or (c) for those who received a football-waiver out of English class and thus fail to understand the question entirely... I don’t really have an option for you. How are things down at the auto parts store? Those boxes look really heavy.

4. Why do you think we always ask you to guess what the author’s message was in these little "Study Questions," instead of asking what you took from the novel? Is it merely an unconscious reflex to reinforce your feelings of unimportance, or does it betray a premeditated conspiracy to suppress any creativity or independent thought, which will conflict with the life of factory labor it is your teacher’s role to prepare you for?

5. This is the only book the school system has ever allowed you to read which concerns women’s issues (including the books you’ve read written by women, which center exclusively around women’s ability to "trap" men into marriage). Have you ever noticed that what men are interested in is called news, but what interests women is called gossip? Even sports scores are called news, and you’d be hard-pressed to demonstrate any practical value to sports scores. What are some less-obvious ramifications of patriarchal society’s tendency to belittle the needs and ideas of women? If you’re a boy, in what ways have you profited by male privilege without even realizing it? If you’re a girl, in what ways do you surrender your power for societal approval, or so boys will "like" you?

6. If you were traveling at the speed of light, because the mucosa lining the inside of your nose had been irradiated in a special, Star Trek-like way which infinitely increased your mass while proportionally decreasing your volume, and you sneezed, what would happen? Please limit your answer to a single sentence.

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